Anxious, avoidant or secure? Our early attachments shape how we connect and communicate at work – but coaching helps rebuild trust and foster healthier workplace relationships, writes John Perry
Attachment theory, a concept introduced by British psychologist John Bowlby, provides profound insights into how early-life relationships shape our ways of connecting with others. Originally centred on caregiver-child bonds, it has far-reaching implications in the workplace. It reveals how our ability – or struggle – to trust, connect and communicate is deeply influenced by these formative experiences. In today’s fast-paced corporate world, fostering secure attachments can transform professional relationships and workplace culture.
Secure attachments can be built at any stage of life, and coaching offers a unique avenue to facilitate this transformation
How early experiences shape workplace trust
As a therapist and coach specialising in attachment theory, I’ve dedicated my career to exploring its applications in various contexts, including organisational settings. Attachment theory examines the significant role of early relationships in shaping our ability to connect with others throughout life. Bowlby and his colleague Mary Ainsworth introduced the idea of a ‘secure base’ – a caregiver who provides the reassurance and stability needed for a child to explore the world confidently.
When such a foundation is absent, due to inconsistent caregiving or emotional unavailability, individuals may develop insecure attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant patterns. Modern distractions like smartphones have exacerbated these challenges. Research indicates that even the mere presence of a mobile device can hinder meaningful connections. For instance, parents distracted by their phones often unintentionally convey a lack of presence, which can instil anxiety in children and shape their future relationships.
Insecure attachments at work
This same principle applies in professional settings. Colleagues or managers who are consistently distracted or unavailable may erode trust and teamwork. However, there is hope. Secure attachments can be built at any stage of life, and coaching offers a unique avenue to facilitate this transformation.
In the workplace, attachment styles manifest in various ways. Those with secure attachments typically thrive in team environments, trust their colleagues and manage conflicts constructively. Conversely, individuals with insecure attachment styles may struggle with trust, communication or dependency.
Attachment-related behaviours often come to the forefront during times of stress. Employees with anxious attachment styles may seek excessive reassurance, while avoidant individuals may withdraw or appear detached. Understanding these dynamics can empower leaders and colleagues to respond with empathy rather than frustration.
Coaching as a secure base
Coaching creates a ‘substitute experience’ of secure attachment. In this context, the coach serves as a secure base, offering consistent attention and support that clients may have lacked earlier in life. This process helps rewire old patterns of mistrust and enables individuals to approach challenges with greater confidence.
As a coach, your undivided attention is a powerful tool. When you show up fully present, without distractions, you send a clear message: “You matter.” This consistent presence helps clients feel safe enough to explore vulnerabilities and build trust.
Leading with secure attachment
Leaders and managers can model secure attachment behaviours by being dependable, showing empathy and providing constructive feedback. Encouraging open communication fosters an environment where employees feel heard and valued, while regular check-ins and feedback sessions help build a foundation of trust.
Professional coaching further provides tailored support for employees struggling with attachment-related challenges. Coaches trained in attachment theory can help individuals navigate trust issues and build stronger professional relationships. Conducting meetings and one-to-one sessions in distraction-free environments and facilitating team-building activities to encourage collaboration are also effective ways to foster secure attachments in the workplace.
A workplace built on trust
Attachment theory reminds us that our capacity to connect is shaped by our experiences but not defined by them. In the workplace, cultivating secure attachments can lead to stronger relationships, improved collaboration and a greater sense of belonging. Coaching plays a pivotal role in this journey, offering a safe space to explore and grow. As we continue to navigate an ever-changing professional landscape, the principles of attachment theory offer a timeless guide. By embracing these insights, we can foster workplaces where trust and connection thrive, paving the way for innovation, resilience, and shared success.
John Perry is a freelance psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, counsellor, coach, trainer and wellness consultant for Barefoot Coaching
