Men’s issues are society’s issues. It’s time to talk, act, and to change the narrative – David Hayden reflects on International Men’s Day
Having read the articles about the International Men’s day, I mused to myself “do we need an international men’s day?” After all we are not an underrepresented group are we! Much of the narrative is that men have way too much spotlight and there needs to be room for others, so why have an international men’s day?
Why?
When I looked at the UK Men’s Day website I thought ‘yeah, we do, their core themes’. What they set out to achieve is pretty important and some also makes for uncomfortable reading. I was drawn to a few of those core themes a little deeper – the high male suicide rate, challenges in education, challenges faced by men as parents and boys with no “positive male role models” in their lives, which was the main theme for the day in November of 2024.
Reflections and connections
This article started life as a mind map and attempted to put a range of thoughts down in some sort of cohesive order. But as the map grew, so did the full realisation that everything is connected and not one element can be ordered before another.
The concept of role model, positive male role models in not just boys lives, but girls too is an interesting area to reflect upon. You see I am a grandad, my middle child is a single parent, bringing up my seven year old granddaughter on her own whilst holding down a full time job. I am probably the only male figure my granddaughter sees on a regular basis. Her primary school has no male teachers or teaching assistants, why?
Why?
Why are there so few men in these jobs, what is it that as a society we are so uncomfortable with seeing men in these roles? Surely if we want to show more positive male role models, why are we not screaming for men to take these early years roles?
Challenging stereotypes
Dr Jeremy Davies from MITEY (Men in the The Early Years) has some interesting insights, such as the tone of how stereotypes are built in from a very early age. So if a boy only sees women in teaching, then that is their reality. For my granddaughter with no father present, where else can she access a male presence? What is the absence of other men around her instilling in her?
My mind map took me to a wave of attitudes and language and that took me to my first job as a postman. It was a very heavily male dominated environment. I was a tad naïve at 17, not experienced much of the world, lived for a big chunk of those 17 years in a small hamlet, going to a small village school. I had no real idea how the world worked and was shocked by the levels of ‘banter’. Some of the sweary conversations made me feel at times as if I had landed on another planet.
Workplace experiences
Just a couple of weeks ago a mate said to me “don’t be a bloke about it – get yourself to the doctors” when I mentioned that whilst feeling ok, I my eczema after years of being dormant had flared up suddenly. Those words echoed a few times: “Don’t be a bloke about it!”
There were other areas the mind map took me to; the loss of a few people by their own hands far too early and how to deal with grief in the workplace and some hard days as an employee; being a dad in the workplace and the difference responses I have had to “can I flex next Thursday so I can see the kids…” type requests; or once a very stroppy manager “isn’t your wife around to do that?”!
So, do we need an international men’s day? Yes! To help shift the narrative and to create more positive male role models, especially for kids in their early years. So I’m looking forward to the next one on Wednesday 19th November 2025!
David Hayden is owner of Talent Delivers
